PamelaJenny ☮

PJ. I hate making mistakes but i still make them. I have many regrets. I dislike admitting that it's my fault. I like putting up a brave front and acting stronger than i am cause i hate sympathy. I am short tempered and i get irritated easily. I laugh in a unglam manner and i like to act all girly even though i am not. I don't trust anyone but myself. I am arrogant because i'm always in my own world. I love lonely bus rides. I am not perfect, but the beauty of it is that i don't care.

Tough times.

This week has been a real rough week for me. Plans of me furthering my studies in Australia might have to be put on hold due to some issues and so this friday would be my final resort before i will decide to whether break down in sadness or i will have tears of joy. 

It’s funny how people that are so close to me are able to sense something is wrong with me even though i did not reveal anything. Tuesday night could be said as one of my toughest moment i would ever come across in my life. Tears just would not stop rolling down my cheeks. Knowing that i have a strong shoulder just right next to me in the cab made it even worse. Thank god for bro’s advice and it made me know just what i need to do and yes, i am that desperate and i do not wish to delay my studies any further. I will do anything and everything to make all these happen. 

Something terrible happened last night to my babygirl and all thanks to my dumb sleeping issues, i wasn’t there for her. Fuck myself. Can’t wait to see her in a few hours time so i can give her one tight hug and let her know everything is going to be alright just like how she hugged me on tuesday. I love you babygirl, will be there to hold the world together with you if it comes crashing down on you. :) 

Today was supposed to be the last day of work for me. It will then mark the end of my education career for now. But somehow, i managed to choose not to turn up for work even though the thoughts of Trace and Rachael kept popping into my mind. I thought i would feel really sad leaving that place but I am not; surprisingly. Maybe its just too fucked up to the extent that the kids there already have no effect on my heart. Still, there are some kids that i will definitely keep them close to my heart forever. 

On a lighter note, Helipad on saturday! It’s gonna be one hell of a time i supposed. If everything goes well on Friday, i am pretty sure i will enjoy it even more than ever ! Should i bake a cake ? Hmm. 2 ULCER ATTACKING MY MOUTH ! AHHHHHHHH !!!!!! :( 

Since young, everyone has always told me that I am always living in the world of my own or that I am too well protected by the people around me. Never did I once stood up for myself denying those comments people made about me regarding all these because I know they are right. And I never did bother proving them wrong for I had never wanted to. But right now, it’s time for me to really grow up. Growing up does not just happen overnight but this time I’m very determined to show the people around me I’ve grown up. I need/want the people around me to see me as an young/matured adult and not a kid like they always do. Having a happy-go-lucky life since young has never got me think much about anything and everything but ever since these 3 people entered my life, it took a 360 degree turn. From leading a carefree life, I have stopped constantly and think about my actions, will I hurt them, make them mad or disappoint them with my actions. I never want to do such stuffs to them. Once bitten, twice shy. That incident will always be engraved deep down in my heart. Love you guys and words cannot describe how thankful am I for what you all have done for me. I love you.  On a lighter note, as much as I want to grow up, Kor, please continue seeing me as your little mei mei. Jess, continue seeing me as your baby princess and G-daddy please continue to see me as your daughter and continue doting on me ! HEHEHEHEHEHEH. As much as i try to grow up, I just can’t control my actions and behave like a kid whenever I am with you all. I enjoy EVERY SINGLE moment. :) 

Since young, everyone has always told me that I am always living in the world of my own or that I am too well protected by the people around me. Never did I once stood up for myself denying those comments people made about me regarding all these because I know they are right. And I never did bother proving them wrong for I had never wanted to. But right now, it’s time for me to really grow up. Growing up does not just happen overnight but this time I’m very determined to show the people around me I’ve grown up. I need/want the people around me to see me as an young/matured adult and not a kid like they always do. Having a happy-go-lucky life since young has never got me think much about anything and everything but ever since these 3 people entered my life, it took a 360 degree turn. From leading a carefree life, I have stopped constantly and think about my actions, will I hurt them, make them mad or disappoint them with my actions. I never want to do such stuffs to them. Once bitten, twice shy. That incident will always be engraved deep down in my heart. Love you guys and words cannot describe how thankful am I for what you all have done for me. I love you. 

On a lighter note, as much as I want to grow up, Kor, please continue seeing me as your little mei mei. Jess, continue seeing me as your baby princess and G-daddy please continue to see me as your daughter and continue doting on me ! HEHEHEHEHEHEH. As much as i try to grow up, I just can’t control my actions and behave like a kid whenever I am with you all. I enjoy EVERY SINGLE moment. :)